Saturday, November 5, 2011

Back in the Saddle

Well, I have had my ups and downs in the last ten weeks that's for sure.  Just a little warning here, I am going on a bit of an emotional rant here and it's gonna' be a long one.  Prepare yourselves. 

I have been diving in head first with my family.  I feel as though I have been making up for lost time.  I have always been a super hands on and involved Mom.  The last couple of months in this pregnancy I was basically absent.  I was doing the bare minimum and relying on my family so much.  I know it's probably my hormones talking, but I have felt such guilt over this.  I missed my sons first day of Kindergarten and that was so important to me.  I will never get that day back.  My Wonderful Hubby did skype me in to the boys first day of school from my hospital room, but it was not the same as being there.  It was really sweet though.  After hanging up, I promptly had a melt down right in front of my doctor.  I'm talking ugly cry complete with snorting like a pig people.  

Anyway, I know I did a wonderful thing.  I am absolutely proud of what I accomplished.  Given the circumstances I did the best I could and I gave it my all.  Rationally I know this.  My irrational side makes me feel guilty though.  Guilty for not being there when i was needed for my family. So, to compensate for this guilt, I have been spending a lot of time volunteering in the boys classrooms, taking them on special Mommy and Son outings and I even joined the PTA for goodness sake!  All I can say is that I am really trying to enjoy them as much as I can.  I am keeping really busy and i feel like time is flying.  I am trying to take in every moment because I know all to well that I will never get these moments back either.  I have come to have a new appreciation for my kids through this process.

I have also been trying to really take better care of my Husband.  He took such good care of me through this pregnancy.   I can not tell you how grateful I am to have him.  He cooked cleaned, grocery shopped, took care of the kiddos, listened to an emotional and very pregnant wife's whining and worked his butt off everyday to bring home the bacon.  I have guilt over this too.  So, ya, I have to make up for some lost time here too.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy to be physically able to care for my family again, but I am really having trouble getting back into the swing of things.  I have also gotten used to having a housekeeper and not having to worry about things like making dinner or working out.  I am weaning off of my housekeeper, and slowly getting back into cooking. I am also starting to workout again and let me just say, I am outta' shape!  I gained 38 pounds total and with in 3 weeks of having them, I lost 60.  I had some serious trouble fitting food into my belly and although I felt I was always eating, the babies were eating more.  As crazy as that is, I am now left with some serious toning to do.  Needless to say, I'm feeling some pressure lately.  Everyday I am wondering how I am going to keep up with these expectations I have put on myself. 

Through all of this, I am also trying to wean off of pumping for the triplets.  Unfortunately, this also means weaning off my new addiction to cupcakes too!  As crazy as this sounds, I'm a little sad to be done pumping because it's the last physical evidence that I just finished doing this fantastic journey.  Maybe this is partly "the blues" that so many women struggle with.  I don't know, but luckily I am a pretty positive person and I am positive it will get better and I'll soon be back to normal.

As for the bambinos, it's now been ten weeks since my little surro  babes were born. TEN!!!  I can't believe it.  They are continuing to do fantastic.  They are putting on the pounds.  Caitlin has pulled ahead of the pack on weight.  {I think she is storing it all in her chubby cheeks.}  Little miss Kelsie has already doubled her birth weight.  Riley is steadily packing the pounds on as well, but he better watch out for these girls!  I still get updates all the time and I can't tell you how much I enjoy all of the updates and pictures.  

The triplets were peas in a pod for Halloween.  Both appropriate and adorable don't you think?

I see these pictures and I am so grateful to think that I helped do that. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and I have learned so much from this experience.  I am still learning. 

So, that's my really looong and brutally honest update.  I warned you.   Luckily my rational side is telling me that yes, it's been really hard getting back into the swing of things, but it will get easier.  Anyway, I feel better already just getting all that out. 
Thanks for listening.  :)


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